My Sacred Soul Retrieval Ceremony

What I am telling a story of here is from an accumulative build-up from many healings, ceremonies, experiences with spirit on the other side, and somatic trauma and grief work.

In all of the years, I have spent working on myself, learning how to connect with my brother in spirit, feeling and healing, all that has been so difficult to both hold on to and let go of has all been to give myself another chance at life after putting so much energy into wanting to die for so long I chose to put that energy into finding how to live again, but not just here on earth, also in other realms and dimensions, so I could connect to something greater than my humanness, than my physical body, to respond to the whispers my intuition was giving me, to dive deep into my sixth sense where the true treasure lay.

If every moment I have spent healing led to this one experience I had in a ceremony in Tulum, and if the only reason I flew here were for that one moment, then it would all make perfect sense, and I would be eternally grateful.

It will always be this ceremony that was weaved into my life at the perfect time, intrinsically pulling at the threads of events knowing that this cosmic blast of rewriting history, changing timelines, healing my present and altering my future, that I will never forget.

And honestly, having the experiences I’ve had with spirit prior still could never have prepared me for the physicality of this day; the physicality and embodiment of what played out is something that transcends all logic, time, space. And it is all timing; I can see that it may well have taken these four years of practice, of healing and spiritual development to allow the events in a ceremony to unfold the way they did, knowing that I would need to quieten my mind, to be still and surrender so I could be in tune with their guidance- moving like putty in a child’s hands, loosening up my energy so much so that I could sway in their motion.

It was beautiful. It was painful. It was magical. It was harrowing. It was needed. It was time.

Since this day, a week has passed, so I am currently sitting in a more integrated space to write. Last week I attempted to film my experience, but I was a blubbering mess; I wasn’t making too much sense; I couldn’t digest and relay it all coherently. And what’s more, is the purge continued throughout the week; I had a fever of 102, joint and muscle pain, extreme fatigue, skin problems, and very emotional- my body proceeded to release poison, toxins and low frequencies through my body to make space for the new vibrations- the happy hormones are kicking in, and my skin is starting to glow, I am happy to report!

Before I take you through this journey, I wish to share that this is a very personal share, but I have been asked to share. For many reasons, one is that these experiences, although unique to each individual, are possible for all. The more we normalise having spiritual and out of body experiences with our loved ones and the other side, healing will ripple out into the world. When each of us connects to that something bigger than us, be it God, the divine, source energy, spirit, the universe, whatever it is for you- we open ourselves up to the pure magic and mystery of our nature. Even if this experience shared with you encourages one or two people to dive into a healing and spiritual practice, then other humans have already benefitted.

When we have lost someone traumatically, as I did with my brother, to suicide, we may find our soul is crying out for help, for change, hope and healing. When we tend to those cries and do what he/she asks for us, what is required to heal our souls, we feel better, live better, think better, but better than it all, we open the door to energetic realms where absolutely anything is possible.

So, I share with you today one of my most profound experiences with my brother to shed a little insight into how powerful somatic healing is, cleaning our energy pathways and creating a room within our bodies is and just how deep our relationship can go with our loved ones on the other side.

Wednesday 2nd Feb, I entered a beautiful dome buried in the jungle of Tulum, with four international healers, a couple I also knew from Bali. It was a relatively large container with perhaps 20 others inside. Group healing, I now love, but when my brother first passed over, I wouldn’t say I liked group healing; I didn’t feel safe, seen or heard, I was so traumatised I needed 1:1 support- something many facilitators do not question, which surprises me when we work in the trauma space.

The modalities in this particular ceremony were conscious connected Breathwork, ancient sound healing, bodywork and Reiki. All modalities I use in my healing containers with my clients and medicines I have received many many times before. Hence why I stated this being an accumulative effect, divine timing and the energy of the land and space-holders.

I set my brother ring and photo down next to me, set my intention “I wish to connect to my beautiful brother Jack, to release what no longer serves me, that stands in my way of my highest and greatest good and to call in more joy, peace and play into my life.”

Very early on into the journey, I fall into a deep trance state and find myself back on my brother’s street the day he took his life, the same spot I find myself back in every time I go into an altered state of awareness. My body begins to tremble, the grief and sadness are shaking their way out of my nervous system, the cries come, the desperation to get up off the pavement outside his house comes, but I can never move- I am always stuck to the floor, face down.

The police, paramedics, neighbours are all around me, there are people giving instructions, making decisions for me, making choices for me, organising the next moves for my brother, and I’m laid powerless, weak, no voice, no movement, I am stuck and so is my brother. He died, and I am frozen.

For four years now, this has been on repeat. Usually, Jack will come, we take off and go to another place. He has always come to take me away from that space; we go on such beautiful adventures that I almost forget how sad our journey began.

This time was different. I am crying as I write this because it was so powerful. I just can’t believe it happened.

As I lay there, my stomach begins to burn, like a fire in my belly- so much energy that is trapped in my sacral and solar plexus that my chakras can’t spin- there are cogs that won’t churn, and it’s causing me significant discomfort.

I’m laying in pain on his street pavement trying to crawl to his front door, to get to him in his garden so I can save him whilst he is hovering over me in his light body saying, “you have lost all joy in your life Becs, this is why you have so much pain in your belly, you are stuck here in time on my pavement trying to save me, but I already left, it’s you that needs saving now.”

I beg for him to help me and help the pain go in my belly. I lay there with my eyes closed deep in a trance, and my ancestors appear behind Jack, my grandparents I knew and loved very much, and others I have never met in this lifetime.

They peel me up from the floor, and we travel in time to all of the places and spaces where I lost parts of myself and my soul. We go back to the times I became fragmented, where I left parts of me behind to heal those parts of myself and integrate them into my being today.

The first place we went to was when I got the phone call that Jack was in danger; my ancestors guided me through a process of peeling that part of myself off that was stuck to that building, sitting with her and all of us healing that broken part of her, letting her know we came back to save her and that she was safe and she could come home now.

We then travelled to a roadside curb where I made the phone call home to my dad; I left a fragment of me there. She was alone and desperate for help; she’s been left there for four years on her own, stuck to a curb, trapped on that phone call. We swept her away from that space, shone a light on the darkness of her wound and brought her back home inside of me.

We found another part of myself at the end of my brother’s street, lying stretched along the pavement, where no one could come in or leave. This version of myself was the gatekeeper; she held the forte, ensuring even I couldn’t get in or out.

We repeated this process a few more times, and it felt incredible to feel more whole, more love, more complete each time I brought another piece of me home where she belonged.

 We came 360 with me back on the pavement, trying to crawl to my brother’s front door so that I could get to him in the garden.

 As I lay there, Jack and my ancestors tell me that I am ready to do what I need to do. They freeze time, no paramedics, police, neighbours interfering with my decisions, with my choice.

I know what they are asking me to do at this point, and my entire body is shaking; I am here in this very moment back on that day. I feel sick; I am terrified at following through with this process, but I wasn’t given this choice on the day Jack passed, and for this, I am stuck on his pavement. My soul is stuck here because my process wasn’t completed; it was unfinished.

My ancestors pick me up off the floor, and they ask Jack and me to agree on these next steps; Jack says he needs it to be this way too.

Both in a trance and ceremony, I stand and walk to the garden. Jack has already passed; I find him this way, which is ok; that is the truth, and what is done cannot be undone. 

I am held and supported by many to help me take the weight of my brother. I take him down from his chosen place, he is very heavy, and the physicality of all of this happening is what still baffles me; I stagger back a few steps to get my balance in holding him, and together we lay him on the floor where I am now given my privacy.

As I lay with one arm over him, cuddling him, talking to him, I close down his eyes; I clean him up respectfully, I tell him, “It’s ok, you are safe now, I am here, your sister is here, I respect your decision, it’s ok, I am here, no one else is coming yet, we have this time together.”

I stroke his face his hair; I retrace my hands around his entire face so I never forget his structure.

Meanwhile, he is above me in his light body, insisting I can let him go now. Even him in this brief moment caused me pain- if there is one thing we continually lose in this process, it is CHOICE.

Choice. There is no choice, you are stripped back to the bare bone, with no choice, and right here at this moment, I was an honoured choice and freedom to do things how I needed them to be, the choice to complete an energy cycle that had me trapped in time.

As I lay next to him, holding hands looking up to the night sky, his light body and my ancestors were turning my root, sacral and solar plexus chakras. And boy did I SCREAM.

The pain shot through my body like lightning bolts down through the tips of my toes up through my lungs and my heart, blasting open the psychic wall of protection I had there and up through my crown chakra- a complete cosmic explosion of earthly pain and heavenly love.

I’m still laying here on the floor with my brother, holding his hand, in his garden where he took his life- releasing bolts of pain until waves of ecstasy start coursing through my veins, kaleidoscopic colours and geometric shapes start taking form in my vision- something in my body has blast wide open. I begin to hysterically and ecstatically laugh out all the suppressed joy that’s been buried underneath my pain for four years. We time travelled to buried memories of our childhoods, old games, songs, nicknames, dances we had as kids. The FUN, the LAUGHTER, the INNOCENCE, all came flooding in, and we just laid there cracking up on all the brilliant moments we shared.

I was laying there feeling whole and complete, holding his sweet hand; I had choice; I got to do things my way for US, how we needed it to be.

With our ancestors, I felt full and rich in love and the simplicity of life, the impermanence of all things, the obvious fact that we never die and continue together shed so much light and beauty on my suffering—lightness, freedom and liberation.

As we lay looking above us, Jack showed me how he transitioned from his physical body into his light body, who collected him, and what it felt like to be free and at home and with my permission, he’d like to go through the process again so for my peace of mind I could guide him.

We began a sacred ceremony, all of us together, where we had CHOICE and agreement to allow his beautiful light body to rise above to a bridge where his guides awaited him.  

I continued to lay there with his physical body on the floor, watching his soul rise to higher dimensions, stroking his face until I had anchored in the power of this reality- that I can’t have both parts of him and not suffer.  

I must let one part go to soar free with the other; his body is the part of him that he shed from, but his soul is continuing its evolution, and his evolution is something I wish to be a part of.

As his bridge was fading in the distance, I kissed his beautiful face on the pavement goodbye; I told him I loved him, I walked out onto the street and told the police, paramedics and neighbours to continue with what they needed to do. I walked home with all parts of my soul intact, connected to the bridge.

For the first time in four years, I got off of the pavement.

When I opened my eyes, my past, present and future had fundamentally changed.

This was my sacred soul retrieval ceremony.

There are an infinite amount of possibilities.

Oceans of love to you,

Rebecca Jax